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Dim Lit Ed/Script
is playing in the grass. He runs forward and somersaults. ---- is emptying a ladybug jar out onto the grass. Edd: "Be brave, fine fellow!" insect crawls onto a large blade of grass before Edd's eyes. "Out of the incubator and passed on into the world. Let's try to adapt, shall we?" watches it eat. "By George, he's assimilated!" still rolling, runs over the ladybug. Jimmy: "Whee!" Edd: "Guyuh." he looks at the empty blade of grass before realizing something. "JIMMY, STOP!" Jimmy: up "Hello?" pokes through his person. Edd: "Stay perfectly still! Somersaulting is a wild and disreputable sport, young man. Let's hope your carelessness didn't harm the innocent." pulls out the ladybug. "See? You could've crushed this poor arthropod." Jimmy: "Was that on me?" Edd: "Jimmy, the grass conceals a microworld, home to thousands upon thousands of fascinating insects! It just hitched a ride in your hair to–" Jimmy: scared "Creepy-crawly! They're all around me! They're all around me! Bugs! Sarah! Help!" runs away, scared out of his mind. Edd: "Well, Jimmy's lack of good judgement is quite evident." runs into a pair of dangling legs. "Jonny, not again!" Jonny: in a tree "Yup, this happens to me a lot, Double D." Edd: "Didn't you learn from your past mistakes, Jonny? After all, it's just common sense." Jonny: "I guess not." chuckles. Edd: "Can I help in any way?" Jonny: "No thanks. Plank already went for help." looks at the prone, motionless Plank, lying about two yards behind Jonny. Jonny: "He'll be back around a freckle past a hair." Edd: "In-trest-ing." walks away. ---- Edd: down the sidewalk "It may just be coincidence, but it seems good judgement is at a premium today." bursts out of his front door, carrying a belt. Ed: "Snake! Snake! I got it Eddy I got it!" Eddy: "Watch it, Ed! It might bite!" Ed: the belt over his eyes "It has blinded me with its venom!" ties his face up. Eddy: "Pull it off, Ed!" Ed: "It is slippery, Eddy!" wrestles with it, finally throwing the belt to the ground, where it lands between Ed and Eddy. Eddy: "Did you see that thing lunge at us?" Edd: "That is a belt." Ed: "I heard it hiss, Double D." Edd: "Impossible, Ed." Eddy: the belt with his foot "It ain't movin much." Edd: "It's a belt! For crying out loud, it secures your pants!" Eddy: it "Sure looked like a snake. Hey! I bet we could sell this thing as an exotic pet!" Ed: "I'd buy it." Edd: "That's it, I don't wanna hear any more!" ranting "The academic level of this cul-de-sac is dropping like a lead weight! If we don't provide ourselves with some sort of mental stimulation, we'll all be reduced to protoplasm!" Eddy: Edd "Hey Lurch, with a little paint, that football could look like an alligator." scared, begins to sweat. Edd: "You need help. You all need help!" runs away. Ed and Eddy look at each other and shrug. ---- is walking down the lane. Rolf: offscreen "Come, Kevin." Kevin: "Forget it, man. I don't walk with pigs." camera shifts forward to reveal that Rolf is walking Wilfred. Jonny's head is stuck in the pig's mouth. Jonny: "I can hear the ocean, Plank!" starts, and the procession comes to a halt. Kevin: "What the heck's that supposed to be?" Eddy: "Don't get too close! Our pet alligator might attack in the blink of an eye." football has become an alligator. Kevin: "That's no alligator." Eddy: "What do you know? Didn't you see it move?" object starts to move backward. Wonderously "It's really moving." Ed: "Let's sing a song!" Jimmy: nervous "Someone stop that monstrosity!" Jonny: "Let's catch it and put it in a box!" runs after it. Nazz: "Hurry, Kevin!" kids all go after the alligator. Sarah: "Feed it a rock!" Rolf: "Let Rolf wrestle the beast!" Eddy: by this unexpected turn of events "We're sitting on a gold mine, Ed!" Ed: "E-I-E-I-O!" ---- is holding a fishing rod. He reels in the alligator as the kids arrive. He has set up a makeshift classroom. Edd: "Attention. Your attention, thank you." walks behind the desk. "Please be seated." kids take their seats. Edd draws a diagram on the board of an alligator and then begins the lecture. Edd: "Good day, class. First lesson is how to differentiate between an alligator and a recreational toy." rips the parts off of the football, revealing it as a forgery. Eddy: nervous "He's wrecking everything, Ed!" Edd: "Eddy." comes over to their seats in the back. "Nazz, please switch seats with Ed." gets up mopily, thinking he's being punished. Nazz comes over and takes Ed's seat, and Eddy goes silent. Nazz: "Hi, Eddy." sweats. Edd: his teaching position "That is just one example of the alarming decline in rational thinking that–" ripping sound is heard. Rolf is seen chewing some black gunk. "Rolf!" Rolf: "Hallo?" Edd: outraged "Get rid of that gum." Rolf: "This is no gum. It is the greasel for Papa's foot soakings." Edd: angry "Now!" the class "Look around you! Our break from school has turned us into lumbering, nonsensical ninnies!" sticks the foot soakings to Plank. "My apologies for being so blunt." raises his hand. "Yes, Kevin." Kevin: "So, what you're saying is...you're a dork?" kids burst out laughing, though Ed has trouble understanding the joke. Edd: "I see a visual aid is in order." puts a dunce cap on Kevin. Kevin: raised "That's it!" pulls the cap down below Kevin's chin. The kids laugh. Eddy: "What a dunce!" slams his head into Eddy's chest, knocking him back. Nazz: "Boy Kevin, that was stupid." Edd: out some envelopes "My sentiments exactly, Nazz. I've come up with a scavenger hunt to help stimulate your minds." gives the stack of envelopes to Sarah. "Note: each envelope contains a list of clues. Solve these clues, collect the object that relates to that clue, and earn a grand prize!" Nazz: "What's the prize, Double D?" Jonny: "Is it wood varnish?" Jimmy: "Shiny tweezers?" Sarah: "A new brother?" Rolf: "It must be a jawbreaker." Eddy: "Jawbreaker?" Rolf: "Glistening with sugar like sweat on Nana's upper lip." Edd: "Actually, Rolf, it's a–" Rolf: "Rolf accepts the challenge!" Jimmy: "Oh goodie, a hunt!" kids rush off to begin searching. Nazz: "Hurry up, Kevin!" Edd: "The pursuit of wisdom and mental cultivation! This should–" Eddy: "Cough up the jawbreaker!" Ed: "Hello!" Edd: "No!" slips out from between his friends. "But you don't understand!" attacks him. Eddy: gleefully "But where'd you stash it, Double D? Where?" jumps on them. Ed: "I am back!" puts Eddy in a headlock. "Say 'toy boat' three times really fast." Edd: strangled "In order to recieve the prize you'll need to win the hunt." Ed: "Toy boat, toy boat, toy–" punches him. Edd: a sheet of paper "Read the clues, Eddy." snatches the paper. Eddy: cynical "Clue Number 1: When I grow up, I want to be a tree." pauses. "This is so stupid!" Edd: "Absorb the clue, Eddy. I want to be a tree?" sweats cluelessly. Ed looks at the clue. Ed: "Ooh! I know, I know!" runs away. Eddy: "You show em, Monobrow!" Edd "Ha! Too. Easy." Ed: "I win!" places a slice of melon on the ground. "Jawbreaker, please." Edd: "Ed, why would a watermelon want to be a tree?" Ed and Eddy: "Jawbreaker please!" Edd: "You're not even close!" walks over to a tree. "A tree." plucks an acorn from a branch. "Oh, look! An acorn!" to converse with the acorn "Wait, yes? Uh-huh? Okay, I'll tell them." his friends "I'm a little acorn, and when I grow up, I want to be A TREE!" between gentle and harsh "Acorn–BECOMES A TREE! Acorn–BECOMES TREE! Acorn–TREE!" Eddy: Edd's last sentence "This is gonna take–" ---- Sarah: "...forever, Jimmy." and Jimmy are in the park, hunting for answers. "This is stupid!" Jimmy: "Oh don't say that, Sarah. Jonny's already ahead of us, see?" is indeed carrying a stuffed bag. Jonny: up a can "Yup, it's a tin can all right. Boy, Plank, you're a brainiac!" stuffs it in the bag. Sarah: Jonny "What's the answer to the first clue?" Jonny: his head "Beats me. Plank and I thought we'd just collect stuff. Like this paper!" takes the paper and begins to walk away. Sarah: "Hey! Give that back!" begins to chase Jonny. Meanwhile, Nazz is putting acorns in a sack. Kevin: "Nazz, this is so stupid." Nazz: "You're not even trying, Kevin. Don't you want to win that jawbreaker?" Kevin: "What for? I got a whole garage full of jawbreakers, remember?" looks at the clue sheet, suddenly realizing how futile the whole exercise is. Nazz: "This is stupid." and Nazz race out of the park. Jimmy cries alone. Rolf: "Why do you cry, feeble one? You must shed tears of joy, as Rolf is victor of this scavenger hunt." bag is completely filled. Jimmy looks inside, and two beets roll out. Jimmy: "This bag is full of beets." picks up a beet. "What clue is beets?" Rolf: "Know nothing! The humble beet is the answer to all riddles." puts his beets back. "You bore Rolf! Rolf must claim his prize!" runs towards the lane. Jimmy: "Sarah! Rolf is cheating!" ---- Ed: "Pink belly!" slaps Edd's belly. "Pink belly!" stomach is slapped again. "Pink belly!" Edd: "Ed, please!" gets hit again. "Stop it, Ed!" Eddy: "You know how to make Ed stop, Double D. Tell us where ya hid the jawbreaker!" Edd: "I can't do that, Eddy. I'd be denying you both an opportunity to learn." Eddy: "Ed?" Ed: "Pink belly!" slap "Pink belly!" slap "Pink belly!" Edd: "THERE IS NO JAWBREAKER!" drops Edd. Rolf enters the lane. Rolf: "No jawbreaker? Swindlers! You promised Rolf the jawbreaker!" Edd: "No, Rolf. If you recall, I did not use the word 'jawbreaker'." Sarah: "RIP-OFF ARTIST!" Jimmy: "Ooh you're gonna pay." Edd: "Now now, I assure you, there is a prize. Something far more valuable than a jawbreaker." kids perk up. "Are you ready? The reward of higher learning!" pulls out a valueless diploma. "This diploma will–" beet smacks him in the head. Sarah: "Nice shot, Rolf." hands Rolf another beet. Jonny arrives, bruised and battered. Jonny: "Are we too late for the prize?" Sarah: "Nope! One moment, please." pours the contents of the bag out over Edd. "Break it up, boys." Edd: "There's a lesson to be–" tin can hits him in the face "–learned here, gentlemen." Eddy: up a sprinkler "Check it out, Ed! This looks just like an iguana!" ---- Eds are running an exotic pet stand. Kevin picks up the redecorated sprinkler. Kevin: "Is this thing supposed to be dead?" Eddy: "The iguana ain't dead, windbag. It's just–uh–" elbows Edd, waiting for an explanation. Edd: "Sleeping like a baby, Kevin. That'll be twenty-five cents." Jonny: "Sold!" slaps down a quarter and carries the iguana away. Edd: "I'm surrounded by idiots." Eddy: indifferent "Who's complaining?" down the driveway, Ed is acting as a snake charmer. He uses the belt as a snake and his toes to manipulate the false snake for an enraptured audience consisting of Rolf. Rolf: amazed "Oh! Oh! I see it, but Rolf cannot believe it! Oooh! Oh!" ---- For Shawn "Wilfred" Godin. 1979–2001 ---- Category:Season 3 Category:Season 3 Scripts